Emotional Terrorism In the Name of Truth

I am up. Been praying, praising, and worshiping since around 4 am, asking God for peace, hope, and receiving encouragement. In the midst of all of that, the same nagging thoughts kept popping up. So now I write to end it:

When some people eagerly attack an issue that they are passionate and feel sure about, they tend to forget some important variables because they think ALL or NOTHING. Not talking finicky human emotions, but pieces of truth that may not have been placed yet or an angle of the situation that is different, or an understanding of one point of the issue and not the whole issue where we may already agree. So that attack only feels like an attack. Not a defense of truth. It just feels like a put down because you don't care of why I think the way I do, only that I don't agree with all of you.

I am TOO guilty of this.

I have been processing and sincerely repenting for my behavior in this area. As "truth seekers," we go for the jugular of an issue hoping to kill it where it stands so that a lie won't overtake the issue, but we don't realize that unless we know and not assume where that person is coming from and why, then we didn't kill the issue--we killed a tiny piece of hope in that person that they could ever express themselves in that area again.We lose credibility and a piece of the trust that person had in us.

Now I have been going through convo after convo and realizing that my heartlessness towards anything untrue can transfer over to plain heartlessness for the person who is expressing what I don't agree with.

Just like I have made mental notes after discussions with others, "I gotta just stop expressing anything in this area because I get pissed off with their reaction before I can explain my agreement for the overall issue but disagreement with the tint of one puzzle piece, so then I react and prove to them that I am irrational, hurt, and wrong anyways!" I wonder how many people I have provoked to this reaction about me and I am sore. It hurts. It hurts to know that my words, reactions, and knowledge could have left a friend, loved one, family member, etc feel the way I feel at 5:41 am. Bare. Unable to release it. Hurt. Angry. Saddened. Regretful. And even more cautious than I was before.

I started to think about the bitter arguments that could have been avoided or quickly ended if I had just released my jaws from the issue. I wish that I had the wisdom just a couple days ago when I was on a seek and destroy mission because of a lie told to me. I just wouldn't let it go. Me knowing the truth wasn't enough. I had to beat the hell out of the person emotionally and verbally until they realized that same truth. And guess what? The person didn't walk away wanting to seek the truth earnestly. They walked away with the thought that the drama I caused wasn't worth my presence. And for that, I am sad. I can't stop crying right now. I have since made efforts to get back on the right page of peace and love with this individual and to check my attitude at my chest-- ;-) meaning that any nasty little attitude needed not go beyond me. My efforts have been appreciated and THOROUGHLY rewarded, and for that, I am grateful. But not everyone gets the chance to win a person back--whether that's a friend or family member--and it's especially difficult when the vicious war waged was against your spouse.

I guess this is the crossroad to where truth checks into LOVE?

Perhaps.